Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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