when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
