Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
