no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
