He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
