You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
