I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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