First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize