I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
