So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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