How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
