If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
