oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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