I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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