I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I enjoy the company of your penis
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize