she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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