So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
