I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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