Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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