put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
