it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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