it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
