Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
