The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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