It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
