So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
