This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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