Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
foreskin is a definite game changer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
