do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
