I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
