I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
