im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
