She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
