apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
