Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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