She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
