WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
