he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
