Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
