Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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