I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize