captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
