Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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