Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
