In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
