It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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