Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
