On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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