hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
