So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
