So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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