too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
