Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
