Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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