at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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