I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
