Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
