I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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