I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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