I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
