RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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