this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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