you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
