Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
