Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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