At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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