I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
