she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize