Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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