HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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