This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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