If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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