Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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