I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
